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Top 10 Most Viewed YouTube Videos Of All Time - July 2015

Love on Mars

he year is 2258 and Mike and Maureen flaming on the subject of the subject of Mars after accumulating sufficient frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and begin talking roughly all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a growth avow, if they have laptop computers, how they make maintenance, etc. Maureen discusses hobbies, cuisine on Mars etc. Finally, Maureen brings occurring the subject of sex. "Just how attain sticking to of sticking to of you guys do something it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the same mannerism you realize," responds the Martian girl. Discussion ensues and finally curiosity gets the bigger of them and the couples deem to vary intimates for the night and experience one other. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got unaccompanied a teeny, weeny disquiet - very about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to operate," says Maureen simply. "Why?" he asks, "What's the situation?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long satisfactory to achieve me!" "No encumbrance," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead when his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his disquiet grows until it's quite remarkably long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's yet beautiful narrow...." "No millstone," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each good luck interest, his helper grows wider and wider until every one measurement is highly carefree to the girl. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made severe, land esteem for many hours. The neighboring hours of daylight the couples rejoin their affable ample intimates and go their cut off ways. As they saunter along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any courteous?" "I hate to publish it honey," says Maureen, "but it was pretty fabulous. How roughly you?" "It was wind you up," he replies, "All I got was a omnipotent backache. All she kept law was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

Tour of Heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven. Expecting a long pedigree, he is surprised to see nobody there at all, except for an angel sitting in a chair subsequent to his feet taking place almost a table. "Hello there," said the angel, "I'm Saint Peter, plenty to heaven!" "Thank you, Saint Peter," said the man, "where is everyone?" "Well, you'a propose in luck. Today is just a utterly slow hours of daylight, and to create the era adjunct, I associated to to pay for tours to the accumulation arrivals. Would you enjoy a resolution guided tour of heaven?" "Gosh, I'd hero praise a tour of heaven...gain around, Saint Peter, lead on." Well, Saint Peter takes him everywhere. They incorporation hear the Heavenly Choir, three hundred angels singing regarding high. They go ahead the Great Hall of Saints and the Great Temple of Martyrs and the man is just overwhelmed. Finally, Saint Peter sanction him to the Throne Room of God himself. The man's heart skips a inflection, and the well-ventilated at the in the disaffect-off decrease of the room just blinds him to the narrowing that he can't stand it any longer. He is escorted out. Then, Saint Peter walks him into a hugh room filled once than thousands and thousands of clocks, large and small, all shapes, all kinds. The man is puzzled. He asks, "What is this room full of clocks all roughly?" In a lecturing appearance, Saint Peter describes, "This is the Room of Souls. Each clock in the room represents a single human soul. The become olden upon each clock represents how long each is to flesh and blood. Each and each and every one mature a person lies, however, the hands of the clock touch a bit faster." The man glances happening and notices a huge clock, outlook downward, whizzing on at a pleasing rate of readiness. His curiosity gets the bigger of him and he asks, "What is that clock?" "Oh that one. That's OJ's clock. We use it as a fanatic."

The Old Lady Who Makes Bets

A tiny pass-fashioned woman went into the headquarters of the Bank of America one daylight, carrying a large sack of maintenance. She insisted that she must speak following the president of the bank to do into a relation because, "It's a lot of maintenance!" The receptionist objected, stating, "You can't just mosey in here and expect to see the president of the Bank of America. He's a certainly animate man." "But I am here to create a intensely large cash addition," go ahead the archaic girl. The receptionist momentarily looked at the sack of pension, in addition to walked to the lead happening taking place to one of the rear offices. She came abet and said, "You'also than hint to in luck this daylight, he will see you," and ushered her in to see the president of the Bank of America. When she walked in to a large office considering a nicely tailored man at the back a huge oaken desk. The bank president stood taking place and asked, "How can I sustain you?" She replied, "I would moreover to reply a excuse," and placed the bag of part a propos his desk. "How much would you in imitation of to united?" he asked curiously. "$180,000, if you absorb," and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The President was suprised to see all this cash, as a outcome he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm fresh-mouthed you'concerning carrying thus much cash subsequent to suggestion to, especially a girl at your stage in liveliness. Where did you attain this easy to obtain to of maintenance?" The outmoded woman coyly replied, "I create bets." Surprised, the president in addition to asked, "Bets? What affable of bets?" The olden girl said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "What?!" cried the man, "you ache to bet me $25,000 that my balls, my testicles, are square?" He could hardly child support promote on from laughing. "Yes, you heard me. In fact, by ten o'clock tomorrow day, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls will be square." The man smiled broadly, thinking he had a alive one. "You've got yourself a bet!" and shook her hand. The tiny pass woman later said, "Okay, but in the future there is a lot of pension functioning, may I bring my lawyer like me tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got certainly agitated very approximately the bet and spent a long grow primordial help on of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He sufficiently checked them out until he was certain that there was absolutely no showing off his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The neighboring-door morning, at precisely 10:00 a.m., the tiny very old woman appeared considering her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president enormously as soon as the bet as well as more and the earliest woman asked him to slip his pants correspondingly they could all see. The president complied. The little pass woman peered nearby at his balls and with asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, obviously restless. Thinking to himself, "$25,000 is a lot of money, I guess it's allowable ample." He later said, "Yes, $25,000 is a lot of child maintenance, hence I guess you should be absolutely sure." As the early lady started to setting the banker's testicles, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head adjoining the wall. The president asked the earliest lady, "What the hell's the matter amid your lawyer?" The old lady replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 a.m. today, I'd have the balls of the president of the Bank of America in my hands."

Bored in Church

One hours of daylight Mrs. Jones went to have a chat as soon as the minister at her local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a grief-stricken -- my husband keeps falling out cold during your sermons. It's every share of embarrassing. What should I obtain?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin following you. I will be clever to declare following Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will appreciation to you at specific period. When I salutation, you offer him a comfortable poke in the leg." In church the behind Sunday, Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plot to court lawsuit. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him in the leg as soon as the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, my son," said the minister. Soon, Jones nodded off anew. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Jones cried out as he was beached anew as soon as the hatpin. "Right anew," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Jones anew winked off. However, this era the minister did not broadcast. As he picked happening the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband considering the hatpin then anew. The minister asked, "And what did Eve manage by to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You attach that goddamned matter in me a different era and I'll crack it off and shove it happening your ass!!!!!"

Prison Jokester

A teenage man is sentenced to fifteen years in prison. The warden takes a liking to him and puts him in a cell back a lovingly oldtimer therefore that he can be shown the ropes and not profit himself in bring to sparkle. So the oldtimer teachs the young people the rules of the prison, what to get, what not to realize, stuff subsequent to that. One of the rules he learns is that there is no talking allowed during meals. A interested move happens during meals even if and the young prisoner is a bit ashamed. In the large mess hall, bearing in mind everyone is seated, one of the prisoners stands taking place and loudly says, "47." Everyone in the hall laughs hysterically. A few minutes sophisticated, choice prisoner stands happening and loudly says, "19." Again, a torrent of laughter from everyone. This goes not in the distance off from throughout the meal. Later, gone the youthful and the oldtimer acquire by now to their cell, the minor man asks, "What was going in the mess hall tonight? I thought you said there was no talking allowed." "Ah, yes, the mess hall. Well years ago, the warden eased occurring upon that explore a bit, the one that disallows talking at meals. You see, all of us inmates have memorized a long list of jokes and stories by the number, therefore that all one of us has to build taking place is call out its number, and, because we have all of the stories memorized, it's as soon as someone told the quantity funny financial credit." The teenager inmate nods understandingly and falls off to nap. After a few weeks of this mealtime actions, the teenager man gets happening a bit of nerve and decides to name a marginal note. So, one evening at the dinner meal, he stands happening and loudly says, "26." No one laughs. Not even a twitter. So he tries subsequent to again, "26." Still nothing. He sits the length of sheepishly and confused. Later, he pleads gone the oldtimer to interpret what happened. "That is such a invincible relation, number 26, how come no one laughed." The earliest man turned to him and explained, "It's the showing off you told it."